After a fairly long period in which my child’s wish remained unfulfilled and the lockdowns that caused monotonous days, I came into contact with Choco Bliss. It made me curious because I felt that somewhere I wanted to ground even deeper and find answers within myself about my unfulfilled wish. In this article I share my story and choco bliss experience. In which during my Choco Bliss journey I was able to ground myself deeper, find answers about my unfulfilled child wish and how this gave room for deep grounding and a journey to a fulfilled child wish.
Choco Bliss experience: What is it, and why did it catch my attention?
Choco Bliss is a chocolate with the active ingredient psilocybin, raw cocoa, various herbs that help open your heart and an active ingredient that is also contained in Ayahuasca. It is the medicine of the heart. A medicine that appealed to me as a cocoa facilitator. More than Ayahuasca itself. I don’t like throwing up. So Choco Bliss sounded like music to my ears to try. Even though, I still found the final effect (trip) very exciting.
The journey within to ground
I noticed to myself that I had been feeling restless for a while. This had several causes. The lockdowns made me feel disconnected. But I also did not fully understand my unfulfilled desire to have children. I felt somewhere that if I made this journey, I would gain more insight into patterns within myself. And that was right. I did the journey myself under the guidance of Maria Johanna online via zoom. I myself was in my studio and together with an experienced ‘tripper’. This felt good to me.
There were still lockdowns. So there were no live ceremonies. It felt safe for me to do it in ‘my’ safe space. Because I already have experience with inner journeys myself. If you have never done this before, make sure you have good guidance.
The journey inwards to ground myself with Choco Bliss was very nice. This started with a card in which it became clear that I could first create a foundation. After we had taken the first chocolate, I lay down on a yoga mat with a blanket and a pillow, and we were guided into the journey with a meditation and music. Pretty soon I fell into the trip and never before did I feel so grounded as then.
Choco Bliss Experience: Visualizations, heart opening and grounding
My Choco Bliss Experience were intense. There were intense visualizations of spiritual deities like Shiva, Ganesha and Tara. These gods each have their own meaning in my experience as a yoga teacher. She taught me over the years how we can stay closer to our own nature. Answers can often be found within. I also felt a clear connection with my mother, in which I was allowed to heal a bit. She was aware that I was making this journey. In the visualization, I saw her eyes everywhere. When I let them know, they told me ‘sure dear, I’m always there’. It felt like a piece of old pain had been released there.
My heart was getting more and more space. During the intense journey, I also felt a great need to do heart-opening yoga exercises. This took me even deeper inside. The music that accompanied us finally grounded me deeply again.
In deep grounding, I received answers from within. Some say Mama Aya’s medicine speaks to you. To me, it felt like answers from within myself. I first had to dig deeper before there was room for a child’s wish. Build a foundation. And let go.
Letting go of always carrying others.
Letting go after my Choco Bliss Experience
This is how I let go of several old friendships that didn’t feel fulfilling but rather heavy. In which I didn’t feel seen as a ‘girlfriend’. And where the dark and light could not always coexist. That felt difficult. Because I also knew that others could have different ideas about that. It has long felt like a pain to let go of what was once fun. But it also brought me depth. In myself. Other new relationships and friendships developed. And I really felt seen and heard.
I also let go of old ways of working. I didn’t want to hire teachers anymore. I just wanted to rent out. So that there was no more burden on my shoulders in doing promotion and getting other people’s groups full. This responsibility now lies with the workshop facilitator or therapist. That gives me room to ground.
I was allowed to feel deeply what blocked me. Where I didn’t get any energy from and where I was allowed to create space so that space would arise for me. In which I also started to look at myself more lovingly, connected more with nature and found even more answers to my unfulfilled child wish.
We humans have become so removed from the real nature. At least that’s how it felt to me. In the Chocobliss journey, grounding felt healing. Nature really passed by in visual images. This later also revealed itself in my daily life.
Space for new
For example, during a holiday in the south of France, we suddenly ended up at a wedding plan company between the vineyards on the river. We ended up staying here for 2 months. We helped during weddings, and we also stayed in these people’s homes. Being part of the celebration of love released a lot in me and my partner. We felt valued and had a lot of fun here. We also felt that this could be the place where we wanted to live. This eventually became a turning point in our lives.
In the meantime and afterward in the Netherlands, I followed various healing ceremonies. Like the rite of the womb. Which I then went on to pass on in my studio and online. Connecting to my womb gave me a lot of insight and grounded me deep into my body.
Cold training became part of my life in addition to yoga and exercise in nature. Swimming in the cold natural water made me feel one with nature. Grounded. I have never felt so deep, grounded and silent before.
Later, I also felt a very strong need for a sweat lodge ceremony. I wanted to sit on the earth in a hut. With women. Around the full moon. This was a magical healing and cleansing experience. I saw here again the beauty of the female body. Everybody different. My body already very as it is. Because I completely lost the connection and confidence in my body after I kept turning out not to be pregnant.
After the sweat lodge, I enthusiastically continued with the cold training. Enthusiastic, I had founded a club with people with whom we went dipping in the lake. On my ovulation day, what I didn’t know, I attended another rite of the womb ceremony. Here I shared that I had completely let go of my desire to have children. I went for a free life in the south of France and would see if it would come. As discussed with my partner. I wrote in my letters that it may be light. Well that light came on, I think that night… Because when I opened my phone and saw it was my ovulation day, I let my partner know. Without really getting too deep into it, we had a little fun…
Because that’s what we were going to have fun in the coming years. We were there. Enjoying the freedom, nature and each other.
Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I completely forgot. But I felt so different and strange… 4 tests showed that I was pregnant. Without a doubt. I will share the journey of pregnancy in another blog.
But our wish came true. That was a double feeling at first. We were extremely happy. But also confused… because we were going for the free life. But this light child apparently wanted to enjoy this. And so it happened…
Sidenote Choco Bliss and Grounding
I know that this blog can raise a lot of questions about the fact ‘wanting children’. This is my story and not everyone could do a plant medicine journey depending on medication, mental and personal reasons. So always inform a doctor before you start a Choco Bliss journey. Via the Maria Johanna website, you will always be asked to fill in a form first.
I also believe that connecting with the natural elements such as water, fire, earth and wood helps you to optimize your body’s functions. Such as cold training, yoga, breath work, movement and healthy food. So not only Choco Bliss helps to ground. It’s all the steps that followed from that. From the insight and the answers from within. And the way you live. It requires adjustments in your life. An honest look at yourself and your own patterns.
Chakra Balance Journey
Besides the children’s wish story, I also received the message from the colorful visualizations that I was allowed to create the Chakra Balance Journey. This is a Dutch online 7-week yoga course aimed at balancing the Chakras. In this course you will discover with yin yoga, vinyasa flow and breath work how you can make the energy in body and mind flow better.